It is important to note that for every venture, family, relationships, etc, the foundation upon which it is built is very essential. Marriage is a foundational institute created by God. It was one of the first things created in the Garden of Eden. However, owing to failing statistics on the marriage institution, a lot of people are becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the institution. This is reflected in increased divorce rates, and sadly, the church is not left out in this disheartening statistics. In a similar vein, people have begun to deal with marriage with the same attitude they deal with inanimate objects. Hence, we find people who change partners like they change clothes and disposable plates and spoons. Some have even become scared of marriage. So in today's world, we find people who are ready to co-habit as life partners, have sex and do the same things that married people do, but with no intention to commit to the marriage institution. This is wrong and is not what God intended for relationships. Regardless of the current failing statistics on the marriage institution, it is important to note that marriage is not something to be scared of. To ensure a successful marriage, we must return to the author of the institution-God-for direction. Also, in order to pick the right partner, we must diligently and carefully seek the face of God.
UNDERSTANDING THE VALUE OF GODLY PARTNERSHIP
-Ecclesiastes 4:9, Matthew 11:28-29
i. Benefits of Partnership (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
a. It brings purpose to your life.
b. Brings high productivity to your life.
c. It brings protection into your life.
d. It brings power to your life.
e. It also brings peace to your life.
A successful marriage partnership depends on a successful partnership with God. It is also important that we carefully analyze our relationships before getting married. They say love is blind, but marriage does open those eyes. So do not let love blind your eyes, for if you do, you might not like what you see after your eyes are opened, two or three years down the line in the marriage. Below are some questions you can use in analyzing the relationship you have with your partner before deciding whether to settle down with them or not.
i. Are you mutually attracted: This includes attraction in the following areas:
spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical.
ii. Do you share common values?
iii. Do you have genuine friendships? This friendship should not be based on physical beauty or handsomeness, wealth, fame or any other things that could fizzle away.
iv. Is your partner responsible? Remember:
"Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you cannot live without."
v. Do you have a family background that compares to one another? For example are your family values the same?
vi. Are there unresolved hurts and hang-ups in your life? Such hurts and hang-ups if not resolved could potentially harm your marriage down the line. There have been cases of people who broke up years after marriage, just because the other partner still dealt with a painful experience either from childhood or a previous relationship(s). This should be avoided. If you have any of such issues, ensure you deal with it and make sure it will not crop up somewhere along the line to destroy your marriage. Don't marry a rebound. Mend before you marry.
vii. Do you have compatible life challenges?
viii. How often do you fight and how quickly do you resolve the conflict? Learn about conflict resolution before marriage, not after marriage. Boundaries should be set before marriage.
ix. Do you sincerely respect and admire your partner? Make sure you observe unlikable traits during dating and courtship, and deal with them before marriage. Observe unique characteristics in your partner before marriage, so that you don't end up unhappy with such characteristics after marriage.
x. Lastly ask yourself this question: Do you want your children to look like your partner?
2. God is a God of Process: From the creation of man to the coming of our lord and savior Jesus Christ and all through the bible, we see that God does things in an orderly manner, observing certain processes and procedures in all He does. Hence, He requires that in choosing the right life partner we follow the right processes in order to keep us from avoidable hurt and pain.
THE PROCESS/PATHWAY TO PICKING THE RIGHT PARTNER
i. Take your time-Psalm 106:13
Time is the only way many character defects are detected.
"Many have missed the purpose of God by acting in a hurry"-Pst. Olumide
ii. Ask for God's guidance: James 1:5
Don't pray your will to God, ask Him for His perfect will. Commit your ways unto the lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass-Psalm 37:5
iii. Seek the insight of godly people-Psalm 37:30
iv. Listen and look for the peace of God-Colosians 3:15
v. Stay connected to the body of Christ: Don't let your relationship and/or marriage disconnect you from God.
vi. Participate in premarital or preparation courses-Proverbs 4:11
3.
PITFALLS TO AVOID WHEN CHOOSING A LIFE PARTNER
i. Immaturity: Whether it is spiritual, mental, or emotional, immaturity should be avoided. Look to see for signs of immaturity in your partner. Don't marry a person who is immature in their ways. They would pull you backwards especially when you do not have the strength to carry them along the path of maturity.
ii. Insecurity
iii. Impatience
iv. Isolation: When your relationship seems to be taking you away from friends and family, especially those in the household of faith, it is a sure sign that sooner than later you will find yourself doing the wrong thing with your partner. This should be totally dealt with especially in the courtship/dating years, because after you settle down as husband and wife it may be hard to reverse. The key is to find out why he/she does not like you hanging around your friends and family, especially those who share the same faith with you. For example, find out why he doesn't like going to church with you and why he pulls you away from church.
ASK MANY QUESTIONS. KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW. BE WISE!
v. Don't ignore these pitfalls: Ignoring these pitfalls is also a pitfall to avoid.
vi. Avoid premarital sex and co-habiting: The secular society thinks differently about this, but God's word is very clear on this.
No sex before marriage. Don't live together if you are not married. Don't try to get around it. Just obey God's word and it will pay off both in the short run and in the long run.
vii. Take care of unresolved internal pain(s).
"It is better for you to hurt your way through a disappointing break-up, than to hurt your way for a lifetime, through a disappointing marriage"-Pst. Olumide.
POINTS TO NOTE
1. A hurtful break-up is better than a hurtful marriage.
2. Purpose to be the right person in the relationship.
3. Have a significant assurance of your life partner before marriage. Note that 100% assurance may not be possible, but let your assurance be significant enough.
4. Also, don't over-analyze the situation. It may lead you to the paralysis of analysis.
Marriage is honorable in all-Hebrews 13:4
5. After saying "I do", put about 200% effort to make the marriage the best it can be. Also strive to bring the best out of yourself. Because sometimes, bringing the best out of yourself can help your partner bring the best out of him(her)self.
6. Make sure you deal with buyers remorse. After you get married, whoever you get married to becomes the right one.
Finally, marrying the right person does not mean marrying the perfect person. There are bound to be challenges along the way, but regardless of what happens, pray, believe and trust God for a better life with your spouse. And always know that even if your spouse may not be perfect in every way you want them to be, they are just right for you. Sometimes working to help each other deal with the imperfections in your lives, could help strengthen the union. Also remember that when you finally choose the right partner, God's favor is bound to follow-Proverbs 18:22. Enjoy your marriage in God. If you are not married, just wait on the lord. Peace.
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